What Are You Looking for in a Friendship?

Looking through my journals from camp, actually packing them away for disposal, and came across another great question from "Dean Fig's Court"

"If you could only choose one attribute in a friend, what would it be?" GREAT QUESTION! My answer was that while there are many important aspects of friendship, trust, honesty, love, perseverance, and the list could go on and on for days, I think the one attribute that a great friend must possess is loyalty. It is my contention that if loyalty exists all those other attributes are present. I am not talking about a "yes person" but someone who will be honest with you in tough decisions. A loyal person is there when everyone else is fleeing. A loyal person will love no matter what. A loyal person is someone you can trust in all situations.


I think 5 years later I still like that answer. As I grow older I understand that many "friends" aren't really loyal, they are like bandwagon jumpers in sports. When things are going well, they cheer and back the team. But one bad stretch in the season and they are ready to give their team gear to Goodwill and find a new team, forgetting all about their former fandom.

Likewise, God calls us to be loyal. To stay the course in good times and bad. To by loyal to His calling, His following, His guidance, His Word, His Son. Loyalty, a much needed attribute in this day and age.

Forgotten but Not Alone

A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something.

Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted.

When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried:

"Daddy, where's Mommy?"

What do you think is the most powerful, yet fragile part of you? I am sure there are many answers to that question. But what I am looking for is your memory. When it is good you get to celebrate that anniversary of a couple who is special in your life. You get to spend that awesome time at the bonfire. You get to have lunch with a person you helped through a tough time but don’t get to see that often. When it’s bad, you miss out on the recital. A meeting is held without you. And worst of all, you forget an item on the wife’s grocery list.

It’s hurts to be forgotten. We have all experienced it at one time or another. We know the pain of expecting someone to remember — to show up, call, text, email, ask, make time — and coming up empty and alone. If they really cared, they would’ve remembered, right?

When I find myself is certain situations, my practice is to try to find someone in the Bible who can relate. For those who feel forgotten, I don’t think you need to look any further than Joseph, the favorite son of Jacob and eventual ruler of Egypt. Joseph was forgotten when he probably needed remembered the most. He was sold into slavery by his brothers, jailed for something he didn’t do because of Potipher’s wife. During this time Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker are arrested and jailed. Both were suspected of crimes against Pharaoh himself and are facing almost certain death. They know no one crosses the most powerful person in Egypt and lives to tell about it. (By the way, you can read all about this in Genesis 40).

The two men had nightmares one night. One was given great news, the other bad news. Joseph told the cupbearer he would once again be Pharaoh’s cupbearer, in fact this would take place in just 3 days. In exchange for this amazing news, he makes one request: Please remember me before Pharaoh. One sentence from you might finally free me. He then turns to the baker and tells him in the same 3 days, he would die.

Can you guess what happened? Exactly what Joseph had predicted.

But there is one verse in this story that is one of the saddest verses, I think, in scripture. “Yet the cupbearer did not remember Joseph, but forgot him” (40:23). He wasn’t scared of what Pharaoh might do or say if he mentioned Joseph’s name, he flat out forgot him!

“But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love and gave him favor in the sight of the keeper of the prison” (39:21). If God was so concerned about making Joseph popular in the prison, we know he didn’t check out now.

This becomes clear in the next chapter when Pharaoh has a dream. He asks all the wise men in Egypt, and none of them can interpret. Finally, the cupbearer remembers Joseph and tells Pharaoh what happened.

Pharaoh calls Joseph, God speaks to Joseph, he rightly interprets Pharaoh’s dream, and he saves Egypt from famine and ruin. So Pharaoh puts Joseph in charge of all of Egypt, second in command.

So what do we learn from this? When you feel forgotten, abandoned, beat down, alone, know that God has never forgotten you.

You will experience all kinds of hard things in this life. You might be forgotten or betrayed by the people you love most, but understand this, absolutely nothing that can happen to you on this earth can deny what God has said about you once and for all because of Jesus’s life, death on the cross, and resurrection from the dead. God never forgets you. God created you, he paid for your sins and you are HIS! Man will forget. Man will disappoint. Man will abandon you when things get tough. Man will slander and gossip. Man will be human. But God will never forget disappoint, abandon or slander. God will be divine giving His divine forgiveness, mercy, grace and love. Be comforted by these promises.

5 Lessons I Hope My Children Learned from Me

I started a couple of weeks ago sharing from a journal I found from “Dean Fig’s Court,” a time at church camp in which we let our campers ask any questions. This week, I share from K.M. who asked, “Other than ‘church stuff’ (like God and church and stuff) what are the 5 best pieces of advice you’ve given you kids and would you give them to us?”

Of course my answer began as with “The God and STUFF is the by far the most important!” But this is what I wrote down that night that I told them and I thought I might share with you tonight before I go to bed.

1, Be sure to tell those you love that you love them. I do that daily if possible. I don’t want to leave this world with someone pondering if I loved them or not. There is no more important emotion than love, let others know.

2. Respect everyone. Regardless of how others treat you, respect them. Respect their choices, respect their decisions, respect their beliefs. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them or condone their actions, but it is their right to live their life the way they so choose.

3 In all things, show grace, mercy and forgiveness. This is possibly the most difficult part of life, but also one of the most necessary. It matters not how someone treats you. It matters not what they say about you or what they do to you, take the high road in all situations with love, grace, forgiveness and mercy given to you by your Lord. We don’t deserve it from Him and many times others don’t deserve it from us, but God gives it anyway and so should we.

4. Be you in all situations. Don’t change who you are for a boy or girl. Don’t let anyone or any situation define who you are. You are a child of the King and what He thinks is all that matters. Don’t change your dress, your desires or your dreams because of anyone else. Be you.

5. No matter what you do in life, there are choices. And with those choices can come rewards or consequences. Don’t let anybody steal your thunder, but don’t let anybody take the blame either. Own up to your mistakes, learn from them and move on with life. Never hang your head, even in defeat. Don’t brag when you win. Do your best and win or lose, give God glory and don’t give a rip about what others say about it.

I hope my kids have learned these lessons. These may not be on your top 5 list (other than all that God stuff) but I think they are the best advice I could give my kids both blood born and otherwise. God bless each of you this Lord’s day.

Church Killers: Tradition and ByLaws

Admittedly this post is more for my friends who are minsters or in church leadership, but it is also important for any member of a congregation.

Over the years I have spent time talking to those in church leadership and invariably the conversion has turned to factors that harm the church.  There are several, many to mention really, but 2 topics usually come up!  Tradition and ByLaws.  You read that correctly.

How many of you have heard the phrase "We've never done it that way before!"?  A word of advice.  When you hear those words.....RUN!!!  Because you are about to embark on a conversation that will not only lack rationale, but any Biblical content whatsoever, unless you want to count Great Grandpa 3:12 as scripture.  Traditions slowly become Holy and can't be touched.  Whether it be when communion comes in the service, songs that must be sung and those that can't be, preaching attire, the KJV, coffee in the sanctuary, whether the toiler paper hangs over or under, and the list goes on and on!  When tradition takes over, common sense and scripture often go out the door.

I think the best question we can ask ourselves, whether in ministry, leadership or sitting in the pews, is why do we do this?  Many of the things we do in church has a very Biblical reason, but some things are simply a tradition.  I am not saying tradition has no room in our churches.  Some of them are awesome!  But to do something just because "we've always done it that way" is, quite frankly, a very silly reason to do anything.

Another rather tickling situation in our churches are the By Laws.  Did you even know your church has them?  Odds are they do because of the civil responsibilities of being incorporated and non profit status.  Many of them are locked away in a box under the basement steps guarded by a rat or a snake to keep anyone from reading them.  Ask for a copy and be prepared to be stared at like you have 3 heads or you just asked for the Presidential Secret Book.

The By Laws are quoted, referred to, alluded to by leadership on occasion.  But it usually depends on who you ask as to what the By Laws say.  You have a better chance getting struck by lightning than getting a straight answer on a By Law question.  Much like tradition, I urge you to get a copy of the By Laws, don't take someone's word about what they say.  Read them and asked the same question you asked about traditions.  Why is this in here?  Why can't we have certain groups sing here?  Why can't a group have a yard sale in the parking lot?  Why are the elders elected for lifetime?  Why aren't there any women on the pulpit committee?  They have to listen to sermons too.

I have actually heard an elder say, "We don't follow the By Laws anyway."  Why?  Why have them if you don't follow them?  But they do come in handy when leadership needs a reason to say "You can't do that."  But when the By Laws say something the leadership doesn't want to do, those pesky things are just in the way.

Be aware my friends.  Traditions and By Laws can kill ya if you aren't careful!!

Sawdust and Logs

It is very rare that I get mad or upset (and I am not right now). But I have been thinking a lot lately about how people love to talk and gossip and degrade. In normal situations it is because by making others look bad, they can elevate themselves or take attention away from their own downfalls.

I have to think Jesus had something similar in His mind when He said in Matthew 7, "For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? "Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye?"

Does this anger me when I have been the brunt of a whole lot of talk lately?  Not really.  I am not perfect by any stretch.  I have many faults.  Some things I have heard are being said are utterly outrageous, but people gonna spread juicy gossip.  The great theologians REO Speedwagon knew this when they sang, "But I know the neighborhood, and talk is cheap when the story is good and the tales grow taller on down the line."

I recently read a great quote and I wish I know who wrote to give him/her credit, "Counting other people's sins does not make you a saint.  It's easy to judge.  However judging others will not make us better people and will not make our own sins go away."  TRUTH!

I don't get mad very often.  I do get hurt and disappointed.  I have to come to the realization to expect to be disrespected by many who I used to respect the most.  That is human nature.  Some people take pleasure in gossip that is hurtful of others.  I am not sure why.  I really don't understand.  Especially those who call themselves a "christian."  

Ephesians 4:29 -- Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

James 4:11 --Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.

James 1;26 -- Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.

And Jesus said in Matthew 12:36-37 "I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak,  for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

We have downplayed the sin of gossip as our duty to "share in Christian love" with others what we "know" about others.  We have lumped it in with "little white lies" and other "small" sins that don't really matter anymore.  But sin is still sin and God still hates sin.  I am not saying yours are worse than mine, but I am saying I am a sinner and so are you. But God's grace is amazing and the blood of Christ which covers my sins can covers yours too.  And the forgiveness He gives me, I extend to all who wrong me. Be careful about the sawdust and the logs.

What God Sees

“The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (I Sam 16:7b) What does God see when He looks at a person? The HEART! Not the blood pumping muscle inside, but our motives, our compassion, our desires. What is in our heart is what He can use.

God amazes me with how he can use crummy situations and broken people for His glory. I think back to a man named Moses. Heard of him? Did you know he killed an Egyptian? Yet God used him to deliver His people from Egypt. Moses made a huge mistake, but God saw leadership and love in his heart. How about David? He commits adultery, which led to a child, which led to lies and ultimately murder. Did God discard him? Nope, he is called a “man after God’s own heart” in scripture. Peter, how about that Peter! Makes a statement Christ said He would build the church on, cuts off another man’s ear, swears eternal allegiance to Christ, denies Him hours later. Surely his heart was black and unusable by God, right? Not quite, just a few weeks after denying his Lord, Peter delivered one of the most powerful sermons in history. Saul? Well, you know his story and what he did to Christians. If not, read Acts and find out. Then you will also find out that Saul (later Paul) was the greatest evangelist in the history of Christianity.

Man would look at these men with murder, adultery, lies, assault with a deadly weapon, treason, persecutor of Christians and think they are burning in hell. God saw leaders, evangelists, hearts of love for God and people. God took some pretty tough situations and pretty bad decisions from men who were broken, cracked vessels and used them in a mighty way. But God can mend the broken vessel, with love, forgiveness, grace, mercy and compassion if the heart is there to serve.






I am firmly convinced God is not nearly concerned about where we've been as He is about where we are going. Man will rarely let you live down your past mistakes, Satan wants you to live in your past, but God says don't worry about the past forgiven sins. He has a plan for your future!!! Don’t let men define you by their cowardly actions and hurtful words. God defines you by what men cannot see, your heart.

When God Says, "No"

I am sure most of you who are reading this are people of prayer.  Prayer is our communication with God, a time I treasure and hope you do as well.  God answers all of our prayers, just sometimes not the way we want to.  When He says, "Yes" that is great!  "Thank YOU God!  You are awesome!!!"  We generally have no problem at all when God gives us our request.

But sometimes God says, "Wait."  We aren't as excited about that answer are we?  Perhaps God knows you aren't ready for what you are asking, or perhaps you need to be stretched a little more so what you are enduring is necessary for Christian growth and maturity. "Wait" is something we just don't like to do.  We get bent out of shape if we have to sit more than a couple of minutes in the drive thru.  But God has a reason for us to be patient we just need to accept that.

And to be quite honest, sometimes God says, "No!"  There are those who want what they want and God says, "NO, that is not what is best!"  But we don't like, "No" at all!!  And so we are sometimes like little children, we want to hold our breath, throw a temper tantrum, kick and scream and hope our actions will change God's mind.  But there is a reason God said no.  And as Christians we need to be willing to accept God's will.

In the Garden Jesus asked that the cup pass.  He asked that He not have to go through what was facing Him in the next few hours.  What did God say?  "No Son, this is my will for You."  If God can tell Jesus, "No" then He certainly can tell me "No" can't he?

Yet, when we don't get our way with one tactic, we try another one.  And if that doesn't work, we will try something else.  And we might even eventually get our way.  But does that mean it was now God's will?  I don't think so.  I believe sometimes we try to get our way so hard that God allows "our way" to happen,  Perhaps just to show us that He was right to say "No" so many times.  Perhaps to show us that when we try so hard to get our way, we need a lesson to learn.  It's been my experience that when God says "No" it's best to accept it and lean on Him even stronger.

Is it easy to know what God's will is?  I believe it is.  God can be very clear if only we slow down, get quiet and listen.  Sometimes He yells His answer very loud!  Sometimes He is more subtle.  But He always answers.  If you are one who thanks God for "yes's" I challenge you to also thank Him for the "no's" and the "wait's."  His will is what is best in all situations, regardless of our wants.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:5-6