Days of Struggle

Today is one of the roughest days I have had since I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. Many days it is hard to get out of bed, but today it has almost become impossible. Not that I didn't want to get out of bed, I physically was challenged to the point of exhaustion. I wanted to put on a particular shirt, but my fingers would not allow me button it up. My arms ache so bad it was a struggle to pull a button-less shirt over my head.

Please don't read this as a complaint nor a cry for pity. It is certainly not. It is simply a transparent look into the life of a person with Parkinson's. One of the goals I set when I was diagnosed was to educate. Sometimes when you see me and I seem not to be my cheerful self, it is probably because I am in pain or I am just struggling as I attempt to deal with life at that moment.

Today I want to educate others on a very strange, yet real aspect of my disease. It is called Bradykinesia. Strictly speaking this is a slowness in movement which often starts with a "freezing" event. Often this occurs with me trying to go through a doorway or up a set of steps. I simply freeze. I cannot walk. I tremor and try but my feet just will not allow me to go. Many who have Parkinson's find this a very frustrating and embarrassing event. I must admit it can be very frustrating, but I don't embarrass easily. I generally try to just joke about it and finally when I move on everything is fine. It is not easy for this to happen in a public place. It has a couple of times and I have heard snickers (not the candy bar) and people talking. I have thought about getting a t-shirt explaining what is happening so I can just pull up my outer shirt and give people something to read while they wait on me to "unfreeze."

When faced with adversity, I have always turned to scripture for strength and comfort. God is awesome in giving us insight when we need it. The day I was diagnosed with Parkinson's I was studying the book of Romans and came across this gem:

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

Yes, there are days I suffer. Yes, there are days I would love to just stay in bed and feel sorry for myself. Yes, I sometimes ask "Why me?" But on those days, I still get out of bed, somehow get dressed and thank God that I have the ability to do so. For I know that while we suffer here, someday in heaven there will be no more Parkinson's and my body will be perfect, immortal, powerful, made to live forever with my Lord and Savior and my Creator.

Have a blessed day!

I'm a Grandfather....WHAT?!?!

This weekend might have been one of the craziest I've experienced in quite some time.  

Friday morning, Tucker and I headed out on our 420 mile journey to beautiful Waleska, GA to broadcast KCU vs Reinhardt.  A rather normal ride Nothing eventful at all.  We checked into our hotel, went to eat a steak at Longhorn's, the usual trip to WalMart for snacks, back to the hotel for some HIMYM.  

Saturday, breakfast, pre-game prep and off to the stadium.  Nothing unusual, I 've experienced this routine many, many times.  But when we got to the stadium things changed.  The pressbox was full and Tucker and I basically had to build our own shelter on top of the pressbox.  Putting up a make shift tent, securing a table and chairs, running a 100 ft phone line and a 50 ft extension cord.  On top of that, we were 3 feet away from the only speaker for the PA guy.  It was a rather interesting day to say the least.  We made it through the broadcast, a KCU 31-21 win over Reinhardt and packed everything up, headed down the ladder (did I mention we had to climb a ladder to get to the top of the pressbox?)  Got in the GoMobile and headed toward Grayson.

We stopped for gas about an hour north of Waleska, and I got a text that my 9 month pregnant daughter was having extremely high blood pressure and was headed to the hospital.  I don't care how old your kids are, when you hear something like that, they are 3 again and need their daddy, which my Pudd did.  In a show of transparency and confession, I broke several traffic laws to get to my Pudd.  I arrived a bit earlier than I should have, but I was there for my little girl.

With the news that Tori would be induced Sunday morning, I made the trip home to complete a near 900 mile, 2 day adventure.  I got a couple of hours sleep, went to church, preached and then headed back to the hospital.  It was a very slow and tiring process for everyone, especially my Pudd.  After getting to 9cm and holding, Mason decided he didn't want to turn the way he should and labor stopped.  After 16 hours of labor, it was decided a C section was needed.  Nobody was happy, but it was the right decision.  It was a very tense 30 minutes that followed, but it was well worth it when those double doors opened and James Mason Levi Marsh came through.  He was a big ol baby, that was easy to see.  

We watched through the glass as they weighed him, 9lb 12 oz.  He measured 21 3/4 inches.  Relief and amazement was what I felt, but I wanted to see my Pudd.  I was told I had to wait 2 hours.  I wasn't a happy pappy at this point.  But finally, I heard the bed being rolled down the hall.  I was able to see the world's newest mommy and hold my Pudd.  Then I was given the chance to hold my new grandson.

He was perfect.  That's all I can say.  I prayed over my new grandson and just asked God to bless this little fella and our family. I gave Him thanks for a healthy baby and watching over my Pudd. Finally I prayed that I be the Christian example in my grandson's life that will show him who God is and how amazing trusting in Him can be.

This picture was taken at 3am after a very long weekend. But I wouldn't trade the experiences for the world. God is awesome. I knew that before but He continues to affirm that in my life with how He orchestrates events in His will. I vow to be the best "Poppy" I can be. I will do what I can, without interfering with his parents.




One aspect that amazed me this weekend was the strength of my wife. She never left Tori's side and was just there doing whatever she could. She was the last one to hold Mason, waiting patiently for her turn even though she deserved to be the first for all her efforts. I can't wait to see the awesomeness of her grandmotherhood. She will be called Nene (knee knee) and I am sure Mason will have her by the heart.

I am a grandpa.  I can hardly believe it.  It seems like just yesterday I was holding my Pudd in the very same hospital she gave birth to my grandson.  Time does indeed fly, the journey has had many ups and many downs, but one thing is for sure, God has blessed the Carper Family in a might way though it all.  My only wish today is that Titus could hold his nephew.  But someday, if we all do our "jobs" they will play together forever in heaven.