Days of Struggle

Today is one of the roughest days I have had since I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. Many days it is hard to get out of bed, but today it has almost become impossible. Not that I didn't want to get out of bed, I physically was challenged to the point of exhaustion. I wanted to put on a particular shirt, but my fingers would not allow me button it up. My arms ache so bad it was a struggle to pull a button-less shirt over my head.

Please don't read this as a complaint nor a cry for pity. It is certainly not. It is simply a transparent look into the life of a person with Parkinson's. One of the goals I set when I was diagnosed was to educate. Sometimes when you see me and I seem not to be my cheerful self, it is probably because I am in pain or I am just struggling as I attempt to deal with life at that moment.

Today I want to educate others on a very strange, yet real aspect of my disease. It is called Bradykinesia. Strictly speaking this is a slowness in movement which often starts with a "freezing" event. Often this occurs with me trying to go through a doorway or up a set of steps. I simply freeze. I cannot walk. I tremor and try but my feet just will not allow me to go. Many who have Parkinson's find this a very frustrating and embarrassing event. I must admit it can be very frustrating, but I don't embarrass easily. I generally try to just joke about it and finally when I move on everything is fine. It is not easy for this to happen in a public place. It has a couple of times and I have heard snickers (not the candy bar) and people talking. I have thought about getting a t-shirt explaining what is happening so I can just pull up my outer shirt and give people something to read while they wait on me to "unfreeze."

When faced with adversity, I have always turned to scripture for strength and comfort. God is awesome in giving us insight when we need it. The day I was diagnosed with Parkinson's I was studying the book of Romans and came across this gem:

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

Yes, there are days I suffer. Yes, there are days I would love to just stay in bed and feel sorry for myself. Yes, I sometimes ask "Why me?" But on those days, I still get out of bed, somehow get dressed and thank God that I have the ability to do so. For I know that while we suffer here, someday in heaven there will be no more Parkinson's and my body will be perfect, immortal, powerful, made to live forever with my Lord and Savior and my Creator.

Have a blessed day!